She Works Hard for the Money

Growing up quiet poor, I think money has been a big motivator in my life. As a child, I really felt embarrassed about being poor, so as an adult, I decided I would work and work hard to ensure I would never be poor again. There began my obsession with money.

I never had a job as a kid; I grew up in the country and never had an opportunity for a paying job. It was when I got out on my own and moved to the big city that things changed. I got a job and worked every hour I could. I worked days, evenings and nights ... as many holidays as I could … often being told I worked far too hard. In 30 years, I’ve never been unemployed.

You know, there are times I’m proud of that and other times I wonder if I’ve worked too hard and missed out.

Did life pass me by while I was busy chasing that almighty dollar?

The Journey

I'm not sure why but this lady, Susan Boyle inspires me so much. When she first sang on Britain's Got Talent, I cried when I heard her sing. This week she was on the finale of America's Got Talent singing 'Wild Horses' and once again her performance brought me to tears.

I think it has to do with her story. She and I are pretty close in age ... late 40's. So that may be what draws me to her. That is where the similarities end. She appears to have lived a very simple and calm life ... I think my life has been complicated and intense. I think I raced through life not really living in the moment. Everything I`ve done was for some future cause. What do I mean by that ... well you`ve heard the saying it`s not the destination but the journey that counts. I was always thinking of attaining or completing and forgetting to enjoy the time spent achieving those goals.

Personally, I think it`s some fear in me that causes me to always think about the future. To always want to accomplish and attain.

So I think of her journey through life and I think about my journey through life and I grieve a bit. I`m so happy for her successes. I don`t feel that way about mine.

Anyways, here is video of Susan Boyle on America`s Got Talent ...

Loan Or Gift

A couple of my favorite shows are Judge Judy and Judge Joe Brown. I felt it was good for me to watch these programs because I've always felt it important to be fair and equitable with people. I thought I might lack some of these skills in my upbringing.

One of the issues that seems to be repeated on these shows is whether something is a loan or a gift. Often on these shows people ... family, friends help others with gifts or loans of money, car payments, jail bail, etc, etc. and then there are the people that appear to live off of other people's generosity and expect this to be a gift.

That is exactly where things get complicated ... was this a loan or a gift? Somewhere along the way there was some miscommunication and it's up to the judge to figure out what it is. Sometimes it just isn't clear. So, how do people, especially the ones loaning out monies, etc. get themselves into these situations? What are they thinking? Are they just trying to be helpful or have they developed a strange relationship with this person ... similar to an enabler with an addict. Let's not forget control issues either.

And then, what's with the person who expects this to be a gift? Are they living off other people's generosity? Are they flat out lazy? Are they users?

As mentioned earlier, I felt my skills were lacking in this area. I've seen situations where what appears to be a gift turns out to be control on the part of the giver. "I gave you this and this and did this and this for you and you don't appreciate it ... well I'll show you." Manipulation via money.

I find in my life I've shyed away from gifts and helpful loans. I prefer taking care of myself.